SWAG LIST:

From Chii
Monsters, Inc. (DVD)
Green Lantern animated movie thing (DVD)
Superman Returns (DVD)
Batman Begins. But I already have it, so she's gonna return it. :(
CHOCOLATES
HAND SANITIZER
SOAP
A mini-aquarium. Depth Charge approves.
Transformers mug set
Ice cream toppings set!
Twilight (book). I'mma kill her in her sleep. B|
Transformers monopoly!
An umbrella with skulls all over it!
I think that's it, but there was a lot of shit!

From Jolta
Silent Hill: Shattered Memories
Kingdom Hearts: 358/2 days
Spider-Man t-shirt
New BLUE headphones
New BLUE earbuds
Soundwave MP3 PLAYER YEAAHHHH dlfkhsglkhasf
A plush toy! It is Dug from Up.

From my brother
Batman: Gotham Knight (DVD)

From Ryuu aka Teal
Saint Walker action figure!

From my mom and stepdad
Pancake mix with blueberry syrup and BACON. Tasty.

From Manthony
Kickass drawings. Thanks, man.

From Linds
SOUNDWAVE STICKERS. Very cute.

From Jolta's dad
A little lap table thingy for my laptop. SWEET.


I thiiiiink that is it! I'm most likely missing something in the HUGE AMOUNT OF STUFF I got. I was mightily spoiled this year. :Oa

Merry Christmas, guys!

MERRY CHRISTMAS, GAIZ

SWAG LIST LATER WHEN WE GET AROUND TO OPENING PRESENTS

well okay we opened one each last night. i got awesome comics from chiiface.

MORE LATER.

It's been harder this year than it was last year. I'm not sure why that is, but everything is setting me off. The CTA Christmas train, Christmas decorations in Crate & Barrel, my awesome friends who bought me an adorable little reindeer ornament, stupid songs that I don't even like. That one song, "Grown Up Christmas List", makes me tear up every time I hear it, or hell, even think enough of the lyrics. I hate that song, I think it's stupid and sickly sweet and I want to cry every fucking time I hear it. Because she'd have liked it. Actually, she did like it, that song was on back then. All of it, I keep seeing all this Christmas stuff that she would have loved and the thought "she's not here" doesn't even enter my mind. It doesn't have to. I just know it before I can even think it.

Every year I try to do more, to get back some vague semblance of the Christmases I had as a kid. Get a couple new decorations, hang up more things-- this year it's lights on the balcony. Every year I dream of the day when I have a house, a house big enough for a tree and all the deocrations collecting dust in my dad's basement. It'll happen someday, years from now, and in the meantime I just kind of have to make do with what little I have. It's never enough and it's never right but it's all I've got.

I'm spending Christmas by myself again this year. Part of me feels kind of guilty about it-- I had plenty of offers of places to go, but I know that no matter what, no matter where I am or who I'm with, I'm going to be miserable. And if I'm with other people I have to fake being happy, or at least not-miserable, and I did that enough during my teenage years so I'm not going to now. I figure that this is kind of like the Christmas decorations-- someday it'll be better. Someday going back to my dad's for Christmas won't feel like a knife in the gut, left there for days, and someday I'll be able to celebrate the way I want to with the people I want to and it won't hurt like hell. But for now, it's just... well, a different kind of knife in the gut, I guess. The kind that leaves me choked up for majority of the month, trying not to cry at work or on the El or walking home.

Tonight, I'm going to watch a home video DVD my aunt mailed me that I haven't gotten around to watching yet. And tomorrow I'm going to the Christmas market downtown. I know that both of those things are going to make me sad, and probably make me cry, but I've been putting off crying all month. May as well do it now.